and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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