Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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