I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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