What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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