well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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