Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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