Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
