I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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