Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
