Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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