the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
