Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
