if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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