Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
