The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
