While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
