I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize