I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
