you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
