Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
