this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
