Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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