I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
