he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
