In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
