Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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