I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
