i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His hands were made for my vagina.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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