So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize