know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
