I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
