he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
