last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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