Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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