My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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