Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
