yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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