What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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