I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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