Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
