Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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