I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
