i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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