Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
