Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
