I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
