i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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