Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
