I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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