mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
