im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
