I wish my penis had an off switch
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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