I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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