I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
