:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
