Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
