Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
