she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
