now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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