also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
