Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
