did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
