dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
