I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
