Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
should my penis look like a turkey
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
