Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
