Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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