yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
