well you can't waste a boner
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They took my balls.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
