The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
