Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I party with great urgency now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
