I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
