I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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