If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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