he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
