It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
